Notes

26th december, 2018

dear sibghat,

a year ago, today, i met the most beautiful human in the entire world. a year ago, today, i met my sobo, my sibghat.

it wasnt the usual 'oh look, a trash' because the minute this boy entered my life, he made this little place in my heart that i didnt even know existed. and as the time passed, he made it to somewhere so deep into my heart where it ached. ached due to the happiness he brought into my life and at the fear of losing him and whenever he disappeared, he left a v sad emptiness and that was the place i knew i was going to keep forever in my heart and that it was going to be sibghat's and only sibghat's home to return to. even if he leaves, even if he finds another home, this home is his to come back to, whenever he wants. i hope he always comes back to it.

i had lost faith in people, in friendships i mean all the people i ever truly valued in my life, left. I stopped asking people to stay because thats how it is, thats how its meant to be. but when you came and you stood right where you were since day 1 i started telling myself that maybe this person is going to stay. and eventually i was asking you to never leave. the fear of losing you was and is so big that even at the weakest of my points i come to you and i know having a chipku minahil is not nice, thank you for keeping up, thank you for not leaving.

everything about minsib was new for me. from sending goodnight and goodmorning texts to each other to meeting irl. when we started talking, it wasnt like im getting attention from this person and that is why i wanna be with him, it was the kind of vibe that you carry. the way you talked to me so nicely like you are here just for me, i could totally trust you with anything, you are here to listen, to feel what i feel and to just be there. to pick me up when i fell down, to be proud of me when i get back up. to cheer me up when im upset, to be as crazy as we could be together. remember when we used to have those miyan biwi fights and bachon ka kya hou ga dammit lol. and to maybe grow old together. i was all of a sudden so happy about having a best friend like wow this person actually wants to be my best friend, a person as cool as you, a person with such an amazing, selfless, perfectly pure heart. i knew i wanted to be with this person for the rest of my life but i wasnt ready to accept it. my mind was like chalajayegachalajayegachalajayega but my heart was like pleasestaypleasestaypleasestay so basically there was a lot of panic scene and that was when I started expressing ahista ahista what i felt about you and how badly i wanted you to stay. you knew exactly what to say and do, always. you knew exactly how to make it all daisies and neon lights. when we talked on call for the first time, i wasn't nervous. I was excited. like a little kid is getting this huge bundle of candies or like minahil getting to eat mcdonalds everyday for a week. matlab iss tarah ka scene tha ke tumharay saath i was so 'me' like mene socha hi nahi ke aisa bhi koi scene hou sakta hai ke tumhein meri awaaz pasand na aaye. the first thing I noticed about you on call was your laugh. how precious are you aw. i could give up anything just to see you and hear you laugh. doosri dafa, i thought it wasnt going to be much different from how it was the first time but this time, you were more you and i was like ok this is it i love this person like this is the extreme and you know what was the next call's scene, the one where we slept on call lol. i lovlovloved every goddamn thing about it. thank you. khair eventually we met which i did not see coming in another 10 years i was super nervous, super panic, planning to ditch, but still anyhow entered jessie's. sheeshay se tumhein dekh ker i was like bye im out mujhse hou ga hi nahi yeh but im glad we met. it was amazing. thank you.

you make me so happy sibghat. your childhood pictures make me so fucking happy, those tiny hands oh my god, favourite favourite favourite ever smile, your iconic 6yo sib picture, ice-cream wali picture like ARE YOU FR. and i swear those picture and you have such an impact on me i see the little sibghat in every goddamn child i meet i mean this is creepy but yehi scene hai. fast forward to 18yo sibghat you still have that very adorable smile and that shine in your eyes when you smile, pretty hands and very adorable smile.

heres what i love about you as a person: youre so kind to people around you. you actually do care about others. youre patient. you dont give up on people easily. you have such a pure soul it fills other souls with so much light by just looking at you. you give your best in every relationship. youre so talented, hardworking and like MASHA'ALLAH.

youre probably the first person who has changed me to this extent. before i met you, i was just another let down, depressed, demotivated kid and also an absolute sarru, lekin ab, im still let down, depressed, demotivated but i know i have somebody to rant to ahahag always be my rant buddy pls. ok jk to be honest, with you entering my life, i became so strong, the kindness or any good trait of that sort in me is honestly a reflection of you. i started feeling pretty about myself lol. i knew i was loved, i knew i was cared for, i knew i have a person to look up to and also that this person is not going to let me down.

idrk how to put this into words but you mean the absolute world to me. you know you occupy my mind in a way nothing else has. this bond, like unreal. youre the greatest thing ever happened to me. i love you. i love you so fucking much. i love you as much as a human heart can. i love you more than i have ever loved mcdonalds. i love you all through my grumpy mornings and udaas raatein. i love you. God, do you have any idea??? it's unrealistic how much i love you. youre not just a boy, not just a friend, youre idk a part of me that is sososo dear to me. itnay zyada pyaray hou na tum. honestly dil karta hai tumhein apnay paas sambhaal kar rakhun aur kisi kou na duun. youre my favourite ray of sunshine, my sunshine when life gets cold.

minsib may not be as strong as it used to be but im glad it happened and it is still happening i guess. im always complaining about how things are changing lol. its so fucking painful to see minsib fade away like this and i have been trying so hard not to breakdown but that obviously didnt work. i honestly have no fucking idea what would i do without you. God, youre sibghat. what would i do without you. what would i do without you. why are you always on my mind? will i ever be able to take you out of my head? i miss you so much man. i miss my best friend. please come back.

love, min