Notes

12 Days of Shits-mas

1 - Fallout 76. Bethesda gave to me. A lifetime of shattered hopes and dreams.

I'm going to be honest here the idea of a multiplayer fallout never really got me excited. The thing i've always loved about fallout is the idea that i'm walking around a wasteland and random NPC's are going to come up to me and involve me in something I have no idea about. Is there any potential for a robot to randomly come up to me and end up fisting me in 76, no I don't think so. They basically said hey you know that fallout that wasn't as good as the other 2. Yeah let's re-release that without any of the content. We'll charge £200 and include a nice canvas bag... well if you guys saw what they actually delivered with the collectors addition it was a lot closer to one of these (black bag) than one of these and the sader part is you can buy a whole roll of these for like £2...

Right you guys ready to sing along we're doing the whole 12 days of shitsmas lets go!

2- The Quiet Man - Square Enix gave to: another round of disability.
I like pretentious games, you want to make a deaf protagonist who goes around beating people up and tell me Square enix are at the helm... just take it, take it all! (monoploy money rain).
Sadly they dropped the ball this time... I didn't even know this game existed until it turned up for free on my PS4 one day.

3- NBA 2k19 2k gave to me: fuck all because nothing is free.
2k18 was riddled with microtransactions you had to spend money if you wanted to level up your characters at a reasonable pace or ya know get a haircut... which I agree its the same in real life but I actually lose hair when I pay money... look at that fade! So did 2k19 learn a lesson... nope... not even slightly... it's as if with this release they really wanted players to know they gave zero fucks putting out a statement asking good people like you and me to contact their local governments and basically say 'please mr government we want more lootboxes, 2k don't have enough of our money, please don't put any laws in place to protect us from shady business practices.' All of this shows that 2k's mindset is 100% what's wrong with the gaming industry!
So in summary 2k owns all the sportsball games meaning all sportsball games are fucked until further notice, so thanks for that 2k.

4- Battlefield V. EA gave to me: front line black, female amputees.
this is HASHTAG Everyone's battlefield... but you can't type white man in the chat. Hypocrisy... Now women were indeed a major part of WW2 so having them in the game is great but so were Nazis and we can't mention them in the chat either...
Just chose the game you're making Dice.
Is this a fantasy take on WW2 where a black woman with hocky sticks for arms is going to be throwing boogie bombs at hordes of nazis or is this a boots on the ground shooter but with the amazing idea to add women as a playable character. You know like metroid in 1986 or Unreal tournament had back in 1998, you fucking revisionists but yeah it's not like companies you have actively not had female characters to begin with... ugh...

5 - Metal Gear Survive: Konami gave to me - 5 ruined games
Do you guys remember Resident Evil: Umbrella Corps... it was a bland, unbalanced, un-fun, multiplayer shooter that shared next-to-nothing in common with the main resident evil series, except the name... which was quickly removed after the game flopped. Now after seeing Capcom make such a mistake surely no other developer would even consider doing something so stupid... wait Konami no...
and Metal Gear Survive happened.
It includes all our favourite features like dying of thirst, killing zombies and if you wanted to experience all that fun over again you can pay an additional £10 for a second character... What a load of corporate shit.

6(Swap with 3?) - Dynasty Warriors 9: 3 old kingdoms feuding.
Bad voice acting, open world pointless gameplay.
This year I played fire emblem heroes and it's repetitive but reminds me what's fund about dynasty warriors. I used to love the empire games.
The open world is empty. The older games were boring fixed areas but at least you finish one, you go to the menu, and go to another... it's fast and intuitive, what's not fast and intuitive is sitting on your horse for 20 minutes to make it to the next copy paste area...
A game based on pressing one button to kill 100's of enemies became about sitting on a horse... and auto running into trees.
Applying there game to IP's is the way forward because unfortuntately they cant iomprove what theyve made so far. Weapons dumbed down... like if you heard Jim sterling discuss Zhang Hi *clip*

7- Street fighter v - 7 defaced child skulls
A game that originally launched in 2016 missing about 3/4 of its roster and lack of any form of arcade mode... not like that's the main function for a fighting game...
It relaunched in 2018 with the arcade edition and has gone from strength to strength... like introducing loot boxes, holding off on series staple characters and as of around 10 days ago introducing what will surely go on to be the cancer of all future video games 'IN Game Advertising'
The minute 3rd party advertisers get involved we'll get such great updates like Guiles american flag tattoos being replaced by the doritos logo and those skulls dhalsim wears around his neck from the children in his village who died of plague, well lets just slap a big fucking pepsi max symbol on their heads... who gives a fuck! `

8 - WarnerBros. Harry Potter: A child avatar who can't breathe.
Now don't get me wrong mobile games are built around micro transactions and even though it's extremely frustrating the fact that the games are free to download often makes up for it slightly.
When you make a game based on Harry Potter you're already starting off with a fanbase of millions... of children... who will make their parents spend money... This is similar to when Battlefront 2 went so far down the lootbox route they ruined it for the rest of the predatory industry.
This game has a segment to force players to stop playing nearly immediately with the infamous devils snare segment, so it's either go away for 20mins or pay up £5 and much like pringles most of us know once you pop you can't stop...

9 - Overkills walking dead: Another clone of L 4 D.
The Walking Dead has just been a mishandled IP, the telltale games were so successful because they understood it was about the story.
You know what you want a good combat styled walking dead game? Go play State of Decay 1 that was great. That felt like these games should f
The show isn't about killing hordes of zombies.. it's about human relationships. I mean early season i'm more into whats going to happen with shane and rick rather than whos going to be bitten. In later seasons im just sat around going right you better not kill of daryl! That's it, its not about mowing down hordes of zombies and thats the issue L4D exists...

10 - Extinction: I.G. (Iron Galaxy) an Attack on titan parody
So they took an anime people liked a few years ago and thought you know what would make this better. Lets get rid of the iconic characters and giant, humanoid enemies and replace them with orcs. Everyone like orcs right? It's not like they're the most generic enemies in gaming.
You basically jump around, cut some limbs off giant orcs and win the level. That's all there is too it. It's not the worst entry on this list but its not a fun game.

11- Identity... - 'the worlds best mmo-rpg'
listen to how bored the voice over guy is... sums it up ey.
So far you can design your own room... but it has racing and combat coming in recent years which in my opinion surely makes it only more generic. Like every other fucking online game. This remind me of playstation home which doesnt even exist anymore, I remember making a sweet apartment in that and then that was it... really, the kickstarter earned this much and all I can think of was a free quickly deleted playstation hub.
Here's me rearranging my room in real life, this cost me nothing. Save the £23.79

12 - Super Seducer - a slightly rapey F-M-V
Now this game took the top award on IGN's list.
I honestly think within 5 years time this game is going to be regarded as the room of video games, you got this tommy waiseu mother fucker here giving you all the knowledge you need to psychologically convince women to give you the suck. The only reason its on this list was I had this sketch all lined up where id show you some of the pickup lines in action and I couldn't get a single girl to agree to be init, I had to settle for a puppet in a wig! I trusted you ____, I studied your game and this is how you repay me!
Ohh a super seducer 2...

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13- Pokemon Let's Go - It's Pokemon Red & Blue remade in 3D. It look's glorious, it's fun, it's animated great. As a Gen one-er I love it... so why has it made my list. So I saw a video online of a level 3 metapod beating the elite four...
This isn't a bad game, in fact it's a perfect piece of pokemon fan service but it's basically a story mode for pokemon go... that costs £40. Also that's not blue it's someone called trace and your names chase... or your chase and he's trace... it's just ehhhh. either way instead of him being ahead of you and teasing you to catch up to him like blue and gary, he's always behind you and at the end of the game gets told off by oak for being too nice... that's not a rival. Anyway this is my odd one on the list, it's a great game but a gimmicked version of a greater game from 20 years ago. If people can be sad about the secrets of mana remake i can be sad about this for the same reasons.