Notes

Hey, it's been a while, isn't it? I don't know if you are still here or already uninstalled or logout this account for good and focus on your own life out there.

I just want to write this for you and if you don't want to reply, that's completely okay... I just want you to know and read— well... if you really are still here.

Look, Allen— this is weird for me to say this, but I'm sorry. The topic we had before was too much for you, yeah? Surprising, yeah? I'm sorry. Really, I'm sorry.

But Allen, when I said that I love you, it doesn't mean that I have to be your girlfriend, you know? I just wanted to let you know my feelings, that is all— though it is a lie if I'm not seeking for an answer from you, haha. And your answer was a No. That's okay, really— I respect and appreciate everything you choose, it's your own decision... I don't have the right to control you, that would be selfish of me.

I never wanted to be someone's girlfriend, I just wanted to be someone's most special, it's a different kind of thing.

When you said that I am your close friend, I am happy... really. I usually have female close friends, but here I am, having a boy who considers me as a close friend, that is truly an achievement for me. Really.

I don't mind to be your friend, Allen— I don't mind to start over and fix everything that I had ever done and said to you.

You said it yourself, you want me to stay the same as it is, nothing more than that, if you want me to stay inside this zone, I will stop and withdraw from stepping out from the zone, I'll stay here, as your friend.

... The fact that you still haven't given me a proper reason why you reject me and left me behind— made me sadder. No, Allen, it's not the rejection that made me sad... but it would be a lie if I said I didn't feel hurt haha, it is normal to feel pain when you are getting rejected, yes? But that's not the main reason why I'm getting sad— it is because you left me... I feel like my emotions are invalid to you.

No— don't worry, I'm not mad. I can't... mad at you. After all this time? I always still believe you have a better reason why you left me— a good reason. I wonder what is is.

Part of my said I have to cut off the relation with you— but deep inside... I don't want to, because I still believe in you.

... You know?
There is something that still lingers in my mind... you said... I deserve better than an astronaut wannabe like you—? Honestly? I don't get it. It sounds as if that you were despising yourself... It makes me sad—

I don't get you— I never do. Thus why I want to know you better, I want to understand you better. I want to know you.

There is something I still wonder... you usually kind of person who would deactivated an account if you went to hiatus, but— why didn't you do it to this account?

... Haha, I think that is all— I actually have a lot of things to say, but... I can't put it into words, I'm not a good writer, you see haha. I know I've said that you don't have to reply my message, but it would be... really a happiness for me if you reply this one.

The conclusion is... I'm not mad at all— and if you left me because you felt bad— don't, don't feel bad— though I appreciate it if you do, but haha you don't have to. If you are scared talk to me because of previous topic, don't be haha. Please do come back if that's the reason. I believe your choice is the best for both of us.

Are you okay?
How are you?

World can be scary, but— remember... if you ever feel alone and despair... always remember you are not alone. Those who love you never had left you, they are always with you from the very beginning.

If you think that you are alone, remember that I am here.

You have me. Until the last star in the galaxy dies, you have me.

I am not leaving you behind.

Allen— in case you feel like you don't have a purpose, it is wrong. You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world and you must impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.

You are more amazing than you think. You are more capable than you think.

You are the person that matters the most to me, and I promise to make a better effort.

I love you for all that you are, all you have been and all you are yet to be.

So, be great and be happy for yourself *smiles*

Sincerely, Mil