Notes

I am kinda in a bad mood (due to real life problems and this friggin weird weather) because I feel like my hard works are not paid off. I will not upload anything untill reitaisai which will be starting at this weekend, on Sunday. So I will going back to uploading again with new Reitaisai 11 releases. After I am totally done with R11 releases then I will continue to upload my old stuffs from my previously old and terminated youtube account until I am also done with these. I am not going to upload anything new and I am not planning to upload anything new after I am done with these two priorities.

I don't know why but having so much subscribers is not something that would make me happy. I sometimes expect to see 100 like or so when I upload good song just like this one or the ones I have uploaded within this day but hell no. I am about to hit frigging 10k subscribers yet they are nothing more than just followers. I know there might be more than five thousand people who is enjoying my uploads just as they are even though they don't comment or like my videos. I am really greatful to have these kind of people who is following me around too. But when I look at other channels and when they upload same thing just like me but when their videos gets more view or likes than my videos then I just get jelaous and something killing me deep inside. So to tell you truth my candid friends that's how I have been feeling lately. Okay it's good thing that so many people are subscribing my channel and I should feel happy about that. I am also not complaning about feedbacks. I am just unhappy to see when there are really good arrangements then they don't get the attention and the love they deserve in the first place. But if it was uploaded by other channels other than me then you see people would go all WHOO and say this is awesome and stuff and then here comes the explosion of video views and likes in their video. So what I have been striving so far since I have started to work on this channel with my all might? Of course you would get sad when your videos left unloved just as they are. So when things like this happens then I ask myself why I am spending my precious time to upload these videos to my channel. I am not refering to every spam video I am uploading but I believe I also upload quality arrangements like this one (yeah Things Fall Apart is really good song if you at least have a good music taste) and there are a lot of these sort of gems you would find in my channel yet they are still unloved which makes me really unhappy and unsatisfied. It's like there is goal and this goal is to spread good songs all around the world but instead they are ignored by people.

There are also many channels like me outta there too which are doing better than job than me. Even though some popular channels have gone now I think these channels should take the throne and lead the way to the new future with their quality and lovely uploads. I am not talking about my channel here because I kinda regard my channel as junk yard where I thrown off many videos together so I think and maybe that's the reason why I feel unsuccessful with my works when it comes to reaching more vast audience that has same interest as me. I don't really understand what people are demanding from uploaders just like us. I feel kinda bad when I see my channel growing but these channels are also left unloved. Because I do believe that my channel isn't that great place for music. You might find many variety of songs but it doesnt make my channel good. So you could say that my channel is below the avarage at least. I didn't wanted to give example but these channels deserves more credit and love than my channel and that's because they are doing really good job than my crappy channel http://nazr.in/swU, http://nazr.in/swV, http://nazr.in/swW, http://nazr.in/swY or http://nazr.in/swX. These are just example and when I compare my channel with their channel then I feel so little and ashamed when I gather more subscribers by each day. They are the one who should gather more subscribers, not me. If there are people who have interest in Touhou doujin music then these channels should grow more and more. When you are growing then you feel that at least your good uploads gets more view and love but it's not happening even though you strongly wish for it. And also even though people I mentioned above uploads good music to their channels they don't get many subscribers yet I am on the other hand getting more subscribers with my spam uploads. If they are not spam (here again not the all uploads at least the good ones just like this one for instance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkgP0fhWkeM)then statics should show me the otherwise.

Currently I feel really complicated about this matter but if weather gets good maybe then I will be also in good mood again which is my usual happy and easy-going self and don't mind these sort of stuffs and continue to upload as always again but for now I am not planning to upload anything until reitaisai and after I am done with reitaisai stuffs I will continue with my old stuffs from my old channel. Anyways you don't need to post anything in response to this rant or supporting or encouraging word because I know who is going to leave comment and they are always same people and I love them more than anything. I am also not going to reply any comments so don't start flame wars but know that from time to time I love to express my feelings when I don't feel really good or feel when things are not going in the right direction for me. Lastly sorry for the crappy english and thanks for reading!