Notes

My dad married my mom just to have kids that will be like him and he hated her since he met her...
She was lying and cheating bitch so she actually deserved everything that happened to her...
He is an ass and i do hate him so fucking much...
Well not as much he does hates me but anyway...
I do hate my mom too but less than him of course...
Since i got born i have problems with pooping and peeing, that never changed, even now sometimes i do poop in my underwear and i pee in bed when i sleep...
I had and i still do have a lot of problems with my health and it's not going to get any better at all...
But wait that is not all i also have a lot of mental problems too!
I know that i am just a big baby and that i forever will be but it is not my fault at all!
I mean i know everything is mostly my fault and i do fuck up everything but my body just sucks in so many ways...
When i got born and my dad realized that i look like her he started hating us both even more...
I do hate everyone and everything, i don't trust anyone and i never will but at least i try not to hurt people like him so i stay away from them all...
After i got born he started to beat us up, abuse her and do a lot of bad things to us both...
About two weeks after i got born she left him to live with her parents...
If you can't get it why it is because she was done with him, his sickness and him being fucked up...
Yeah i won't lie to you i am fucked up like him, i am sick and because of my life i got even more fucked up, broken and sick...
I don't expect people to understand anything of this but i want you to understand that it is too late for me, no one can't really help me so please don't even try to do so...
Because i am actually doing way better than you all...
Don't try to help me and change me just simply ignore me, avoid me and forget about me...
That is so nice if you want to help and everything but no thanks i am fine, i learned how to live like this and deal with everything on my own...
I love being alone rather then being with fake people...
My feelings are just so fucked up...
I have a lot of mental and physical issues...
My mood can change easily for no reason or for stupid reasons...
I shake and i am lost most of the time...
I am nervous, scared and worried almost all the time...
I am not interested in anything, i easily get bored and tired...
Anyway we lived there for few weeks and then my grandparents (dad's parents) came to ask my mom to go back to him...
They did that only because at that time they kinda liked me, he didn't cared at all for us but yeah she "loved" him so she came back to him...
Okay so they liked me only because i was their only grandson at that time, you know someone who they need turn into someone who they could actually like...
Again if you wonder why, well because at that time i was the only one who they could leave everything that they have...
Another funny thing is i won't get anything, except the hate of course...
About one year later my grandfather (mom's dad) died from cancer...
Funny thing is that if my mom die from cancer i can be sure that i will too!
Chances for me to get a cancer are really big because everything is getting fucked up, i mean my health and everything so yeah - yay i will finally die!
Everything was same for few years my dad hated my mom and me, he did a lot of bad things to us but since my mom's dad died she knew that she can't go there anymore, her mom wouldn't let her so she didn't had where to go but at the same time she believed that he will change...
I had a surgery when i was about 3 years old, i had some problems with my balls... After surgery doctor said that chances for me to have kids are really low, i guess then my dad was happier because i never will have kids...
December, 14th, 2003. i got brother and my mom was right my dad changed when my brother got born, he hated us even more and his parents started to hate us even more too...
My brother is same as dad, he is like younger version on him (sadly)...
My dad loves my brother since he got born and he started to hate my mom and me even more, he thought my mom will leave again with me and leave my brother to him...
My parents, brother and i moved to our own house...
We lived there but nothing ever changed...
Well i wanted to be dead at that time and i was telling them that a lot but they never really cared...
Since i started going to school i just got a lot more problems to deal with, i got bullied all the time and i never had any friends...
Well i didn't had any true friends just few fake friends...
So they can't be and shouldn't be called friends at all but whatever...
But all friends are fake as fuck anyway...
I don't need anyone at all, i love being alone because i won't get hurt...
When i was about 12 years old i had 6 surgeries, something were wrong with my kidney and it got complicated...
I almost died, i was in hospital for 6 months and at that time i realized that i am depressed and suicidal...
We moved again and at that time i had my first and only "girlfriend"...
She was just fake friend that was little bit too close to me and did some "things" that usually friends don't do but she wasn't really my girlfriend...
When i say "things" don't get that wrong i am still a virgin and proud of it!
She lived about 2 minutes away from our house, i dated her only because she said she likes me, i thought it is true...
All day and almost all night i had to listen to my parents fight and talk about a lot of stuff so i thought it is better for me if i date this girl just not to be forever alone...
I mean what is love!?
There is no love for me and my life sucks as fuck!
Before i "dated" her i kinda liked her younger sister that was 6 years younger then me, she did liked me but she told that to her parents so they told me to stay away from her...
Well my "girlfriend" was younger then me 1 year, since we started dating i didn't know who she really is but later i found it out...
She lied me, dated a lot of guys, did "stuff" for money, used and abused me...
She was almost like my "family" and they knew that, that is why they loved her a lot...
They wanted me to date someone who will treat me like them or even worse...
We broke up after some time and after that i again didn't had anyone, i had a lot of online "relationships" but yeah it was always same: girl cheated on me, lied on me, used and abused me...
Of course some of those "relationships" ended because i wasn't good enough, because we were so different, because she can't really understand me or i don't even know i do something wrong as always and they just leave me after some time...
I am also like Alan Harper if you ever have been watching "Two And A Half Men" after some time with me everyone start to hate me...
My grandmother died (mom's mom) and soon after that my parents got divorced...
My brother and i had to live with our dad but we got back to grandparents...
My mom lived with her brother some time, she had a lot of boyfriends, she never talked to us, she forgot about us...
She finally was happy, she was free and she enjoyed her life...
I wish she never really had kids that will destroy her life...
She got married after 6 months and divorced 1 year after that...
At this time i was drinking a lot to get away from this sick world...
I started stealing, being a bad guy and i had a lot of fake friends...
I tried to kill myself for the first time, sadly i failed...
My grandfather died very soon after that...
My grandmother got even more fucked up because of that...
Before 7 months my brother got killed...
Well he was grandson of my grandfathers (dad's dad) sister...
He got killed in Vienna, Austria...
I tried to kill myself again, sadly failed again...
I met my dad's girlfriend and it look like she is going to be my stepmom...
The worst part is that my dad is pretending that he is nice and he makes up pretend too!
I hate to pretend that we are normal family because no one in this house is normal or family at all!
One thing i forgot to say is that my mom got rid of me before few months so yeah i am not her son anymore and she is not even my fake mom anymore...
We don't see each other and we don't talk to each other so yeah it is amazing!
I just love it!
Well it seems like my dad got what he deserved which and by that i mean on his girlfriend...
She used him for money and she is now gone...
Another new funny story it was 10th october and my dad just woke me up...
He told me we have to go somewhere and i like always was no way, not now, leave me alone etc.
He grabbed me and pulled me little bit until i finally got on my legs then he was pushing me all the way outside...
I was like half naked outside and i started crying...
He was just looking at me and said you have one minute to get dressed or i will beat you up and you will go like that...
Anyway that days i was in some kind of agency that finds jobs and that helps you to actually get hired...
Anyhow after all that shit there was done i got a date when to come out there again...
I wasn't lucky i got there she asked me am i looking for a job and i had to say yes because of my dad...
Anyway she sent me somewhere i talked to people there and they said we will call you...
I got home really scared like what if i get really in all that shit, they called me same day and told me to be there tomorrow again..
I was there and again we just talked and they asked questions, i was super shy and quiet tho but again they will call me...
They called about 1 day later and said to come again but here is where shit starts...
I haven't showed up because night before i got drunk with some fake people...
I woke up in the morning like i know i should go but who cares they won't do anything, i will ignore calls and that is it...
Before my dad left he asked me about all that were i there and i lied that i were...
Anyway later that day he calls and asks me are you normal?
They called him and he got so mad...
He said call them and then tell me what happened...
I knew that he told them lies about me and that i am in shit so i just left home for few hours...
I got home and i was less scared i thought it is nothing important he won't do anything...
I went to sleep and when he got home he just there looking at me and when i looked at him back he asked why do you act like a crazy person...
Anyway then he grabbed me for my neck and started choking me, he pulled me up like that and threw me down to ground...
He was yelling at me, he told me that he will kill me, etc.
He even pushed my grandmother in the bathroom and she hurt her hand...
So yeah next day i decided to kill myself with sleeping pills i stole from my grandmother few days earlier...
I got ready my bag and everything, i left it all outside...
I called my mom i mean she used me for help i guess she will at least try to help me...
Nope she said she doesn't gives a fuck, i should call or talk to her at all, etc.
I was so scared, worried and i was crying so hard...
My grandmother was going through my bag and took the sleeping pills...
So yeah i trapped here right now in all this shit...
My life sucks since i got born and it just keep getting worse and worse...
So yeah that's all about my life i guess...
My life sucks and i will try to kill myself again and again until i finally succeed...
Please let me tell you something now, i don't need friends because i learned a lesson, i know who friends are and i don't need them at all, i would rather be forever alone!!!
We can't be fake friends at all!
All i was looking for was a true friend, girl that i will date, that will be my true family, that i will talk to all day and all night, that i will be with forever but i give up i just can't anymore...
It is stupid to look for someone who have no life like me i mean there is no one and even if there is a girl like me she would hate me too...
I can't and i don't want to destroy anyone's life just because it will make me feel better and because i will be finally happy...
I am just not fake and selfish like other people...
Let me tell you few more things about me now...
First i don't believe in God or anything like that!
I am an Atheist because God is fake and all religions are made of lies!
Religions are stories for little bit bigger kids...
I am antisocial because all those fake people i had and i still do have in my life...
Yes i had some fake friends but right now i got rid of them all (finally) so yeah, YAY!
Also i don't smoke (i never did), i don't do drugs (i never did that too), i don't drink coffee (i tried but it is yuck!), i do drink and there days i love to get drunk to get away from this world and forget about the pain!
I am done and all i want is to end all of this pain...
I will end this pain because i am just tired of this sick world...
I hope that at least some know how do i feel because i never had anyone and i never will...
My life came to the end, people say that i am lazy and i won't lie i am but i would rather die then to live alone my whole life and work!
I can't even work because of my physical and mental health anyway...
I hate to work and i won't be anyone's slave!
I am so hurt and i almost everyday cry, sometimes i hug a pillow and imagine that is my true friend and i just start crying...
You don't want to talk me so if you are going to email me think twice!
If someone want to talk to me my email address is [email protected] and use same email address to message me on hangouts, my skype is live:vladodj1999_3, that's all social media that i have...
By the way you can't really find me on skype so don't even try i don't use it a lot anyway...
I hate social media, being social and stuff like those that is just YUCK!
Email me ONLY if you are not fake because i can't help fake people they just can't be changed and they think i am wrong, they try to change me, destroy me and my life even more so no thanks.
Just go find someone fake and forget about me...
Let me just warn you that if there is no reply from me it means i am dead so i am so sorry...
Bye and thanks...