Notes

Hello there, my name is Vladimir Čupka nice to meet you...
Not really but whatever...
Who cares, right?
That is right - NO ONE REALLY DOES!
We don't have middle names here, you can call me Vlad or Vlado...
That is supposed to be my nickname but you can find your own nickname for me and don't worry i will be okay with it...
I heard a lot of nicknames that were supposed to hurt me and stuff like those so yeah you can do it too!
I am just one weird, crazy, different, depressed, sad, suicidal, unwanted and unloved person...
Yes all those are truth but let me be clear now :
Being weird is not bad at all, i love it!
Being crazy is awesome and it is also great thing!
Being different is way better then being same like everyone else!
I am depressed because of fake people...
I am sad because of same reason(s)...
I am suicidal because of same reason(s)...
I am unwanted and unloved by everyone because they are all fake as fuck!
Fuck fake people, we don't need them, only thing they are good for is leaving!
I don't care about anything or anyone and no one cares about me...
I sadly do have some people in my life but they hate me and i hate them, not as much as they hate me but still...
Of course i avoid those people as much as i can, i can't wait to leave them all but yeah i am alone most of the time...
I am born on 26th of october, 1999. in small and poor country in South Eastern Europe called "Serbia"...
Serbs are South Slavs, Montenegrins are Serbs, all South Slavic people except Bulgarians had Yugoslavia...
Yeah i do like history and geography and i am kinda interested in it...
I got born in poor family that hated me from the beginning...
Thanks to them i learned a lesson that true family is someone who loves, likes, accepts and respect us for what we really are...
Almost all families are actually fake some people just keep believing that they are not fake...
Well anyway that means i don't really have a family but i don't even care...
I will die in same way i got born - ALONE!
They can't even be called my family because they never were my family and they never will be...
They are just fake family that i can't wait to get rid of...
They treat me like shit since i got born...
Like i said true family is someone who loves, likes, accepts and respect us for what we really are...
So like you can see i don't have a family at all, YAY!
I am not Serbian at all, my family roots are Czech, Hungarian, Croatian and German...
But yeah i would call myself Yugoslavian because all ex Yugoslavia nations are South Slavs...
So anyway i am South Slav or Yugoslavian...
Because i am mostly Croatian...
I am against all kinds of hate, racism, discrimination, nationalism, violence, etc.
So yeah i am mostly pacifist...
I love listening to music, watching movies and tv shows/series...
My favorite artist is Skrillex and my favorite song is "Skrillex and Diplo - Mind feat. Kai"
Only sport i actually like is football or soccer in some parts of world and my favorite player is Zlatan Ibrahimović...
Let me tell you story of my life now...
It sucks trust me but the funny thing is everything is true and i deserved everything of those stuff that happened to me and maybe something even worse!
This is a true story so please listen carefully it could make you very happy to hear what i have been through...
Enjoy it and don't forget to laugh a lot!
My dad married my mom just to have kids that will be like him and he hated her since he met her...
She was lying and cheating bitch so she actually deserved everything that happened to her...
Yeah also about that i can't be really sure who my biologic father is because of "things" my mom did...
He is an ass and i do hate him so fucking much...
Well not as much he does hates me but anyway...
I do hate my mom too but less than him of course...
She wasn't bad to me as much as him but still she was only pretending and acting like fake people usually do...
Since i got born i have problems with pooping and peeing, that never changed, even now sometimes i do poop in my underwear and i pee in bed when i sleep...
That doesn't really happen usually but maybe once per month or something like that it depends on a lot of thing but i spent a lot of time in hospitals because of those thing and other things of course...
I had and i still do have a lot of problems with my health and it's not going to get any better at all...
My teeth are really bad and they look really bad but yeah no one really bothered taking me to dentist to i get them fixed...
Every morning i woke up i am in some kind of bad mood, everything hurts me and i feel like a 100 years old guy for some reason...
But wait that is not all i also have a lot of mental problems too!
Since i was a little kid i noticed that i like death, bad things, to hurt people, etc.
I even were a thief, i stole money from my grandmother twice and i robbed some kind of restaurant...
I know that i am just a big baby and that i forever will be but it is not all my fault!
I mean i know everything is mostly my fault and i do fuck up everything but my body just sucks in so many ways...
I know i did a lot of dumb thing and shit in my life but yeah i see that some of those things were very wrong to do...
When i got born and my dad realized that i look like her he started hating us both even more...
I do hate everyone and everything, i don't trust anyone and i never will but at least i try not to hurt people like him so i stay away from them all...
Of course i try to help people but i am not really good at it because they are fake and they want to keep it that way...
Also about that we all have been born like non fake people but for some reason more than 95% of people decide to be fake to everyone except themselves...
I am being fake to fake people but i need someone who is not fake...
I never really had a lot of fake people around me just few of them and i try to be as less fake as i can...
After i got born he started to beat her up, abuse her and do a lot of bad things to us both...
About two weeks after i got born she left him to live with her parents...
If you can't get it why it is because she was done with him, his sickness and him being fucked up...
Yeah i won't lie to you i am fucked up like him, i am sick and because of my life i got even more fucked up, broken and sicker...
I don't expect people to understand anything of this but i want you to understand that it is too late for me, no one can't really help me so please don't even bother to do so...
That is so nice if you want to help and everything but no thanks i am fine, i learned how to live like this and deal with everything on my own...
I love being alone rather then being with fake people...
That is the best way for them and for me...
My feelings are just so fucked up...
I can't even know what do i feel and why do i feel it or is that feeling real at all...
I have a lot of mental and physical issues...
My mood can change easily for no reason or for stupid reasons...
I shake and i am lost most of the time...
I am nervous, scared and worried almost all the time...
Anyway we lived there for few weeks and then my grandparents (dad's parents) came to ask my mom to go back to him...
They did that only because at that time they kinda liked me, he didn't cared at all for us but yeah she "loved" him so she came back to him...
Okay so they liked me only because i was their only grandson at that time, you know someone who they need turn into someone who they could actually like...
Again if you wonder why, well because at that time i was the only one who they could leave everything that they have...
Another funny thing is i won't get anything, except the hate of course...
About one year later my grandfather (mom's dad) died from cancer...
Funny thing is that if my mom die from cancer i can be sure that i will too!
Chances for me to get a cancer are really big because everything is getting fucked up, i mean my health and everything so yeah - yay i will finally die!
Everything was same for few years my dad hated my mom and me, he did a lot of bad things to us but since my mom's dad died she knew that she can't go there anymore, her mom wouldn't let her so she didn't had where to go but at the same time she believed that he will change...
I had a surgery when i was about 3 years old, i had some problems with my balls... After surgery doctor said that chances for me to have kids are really low, i guess then my dad was happier because i never will have kids...
December, 14th, 2003. i got brother and my mom was right my dad changed when my brother got born, he hated us even more and his parents started to hate us even more too...
My brother is same as dad, he is like younger version on him (sadly)...
My dad loves my brother since he got born and he started to hate my mom and me even more, he thought my mom will leave again with me and leave my brother to him...
My parents, brother and i moved to our own house...
We lived there but nothing ever changed...
Well i wanted to be dead at that time and i was telling them that a lot but they never really cared...
Since i started going to school i just got a lot more problems to deal with, i got bullied all the time and i never had any friends...
Well i didn't had any true friends just few fake friends...
So they can't be and shouldn't be called friends at all but whatever...
But all friends are fake as fuck like almost everyone is anyway...
I don't need anyone at all, i love being alone because i won't get hurt and i won't do anything bad to people that deserved things like that...
When i was about 12 years old i had 6 surgeries, something were wrong with my kidney and it got complicated...
I almost died, i was in hospital for 6 months and at that time i realized how much depressed and suicidal i really am...
We moved again and at that time i had my first and only "girlfriend"...
She was just fake friend that was little bit too close to me and did some "things" that usually friends don't do but she wasn't really my girlfriend...
When i say "things" don't get that wrong i am still a virgin and proud of it!
She lived about 2 minutes away from our house, i dated her only because she said she likes me, i thought it is true...
All day and almost all night i had to listen to my parents fight and talk about a lot of stuff so i thought it is better for me if i date this girl just not to be forever alone...
I mean what is love!?
There is no love for me and my life sucks as fuck!
Before i "dated" her i kinda liked her younger sister that was about 5 years younger then me, she did liked me but she told that to her parents so they told me to stay away from her...
At this time i started with talking and thinking about suicide...
Well my "girlfriend" was younger then me 1 year, since we started dating i didn't know who she really is but later i found it out...
She lied me, dated a lot of guys, did "stuff" for money, used and abused me...
She was almost like my "family" and they knew that, that is why they loved her a lot...
They wanted me to date someone who will treat me like them or even worse...
We broke up after some time and after that i again didn't had anyone, i had a lot of online "relationships" but yeah it was always same: girl cheated on me, lied on me, used and abused me...
Of course some of those "relationships" ended because i wasn't good enough, because we were so different, because she can't really understand me or i don't even know i do something wrong as always and they just leave me after some time...
I am also like Alan Harper if you ever have been watching "Two And A Half Men" after some time with me everyone start to hate me...
My grandmother died (mom's mom) and soon after that my parents got divorced...
My brother and i had to live with our dad but we got back to grandparents...
My mom lived with her brother some time, she had a lot of boyfriends, she never talked to us, she forgot about us...
She finally was happy, she was free and she enjoyed her life...
I wish she never really had kids that will destroy her life...
She got married after 6 months and divorced 1 year after that...
At this time i was drinking a lot to get away from this sick world...
I started stealing, being a bad guy and i had a lot of fake friends...
I tried to kill myself for the first time, sadly i failed...
My grandfather died very soon after that...
My grandmother got even more fucked up because of that...
Before 7 months my brother got killed...
Well he was grandson of my grandfathers (dad's dad) sister...
He got killed in Vienna, Austria...
I tried to kill myself again, sadly failed again...
I met my dad's girlfriend and it look like she is going to be my stepmom...
The worst part is that my dad is pretending that he is nice and he makes up pretend too!
I hate to pretend that we are normal family because no one in this house is normal or family at all!
I am going to tell her the real truth once because she seems like a nice person that believes in my dad's lies...
One thing i forgot to say is that my mom got rid of me before few months so yeah i am not her son anymore and she is not even my fake mom anymore...
We don't see each other and we don't talk to each other so yeah it is amazing!
I just love it!
My life sucks since i got born and it just keep getting worse and worse...
So yeah that's all about my life i guess...
My life sucks and i will try to kill myself again and again until i finally succeed...
Please let me tell you something now, i don't need friends because i learned a lesson, i know who friends are and i don't need them at all, i would rather be forever alone!!!
We can't and won't be fake friends at all!
All i was looking for was a true friend, girl that i will date, that will be my true family, that i will talk to all day and all night, that i will be with forever but i give up i just can't anymore...
It is stupid to look for someone who have no life like me i mean there is no one and even if there is a girl like me she would hate me too...
I can't and i don't want to destroy anyone's life just because it will make me feel better and because i will be finally happy...
Let me tell you few more things about me now...
First i don't believe in God or anything like that!
I am an Atheist because God is fake and all religions are made of lies!
Religions are stories for little bit bigger kids...
Those are just fairy tales that only dumb people can believe in!
I am antisocial because all those fake people i had and i still do have in my life...
Yes i had some fake friends but right now i got rid of them all (finally) so yeah, YAY!
Well of course there is this fake friend that is crazy and that i know literally since i got born...
I did a lot of bad thing to him but yeah no matter how much mad he gets at me he never leaves...
Anyway he is the best fake friend ever i mean when he talks i don't have to listen, when i talk he don't have to listen and we just see each other every 2-3 days but only for about one hour or half of an hour, we just drink some juice and go to our homes...
Also i don't smoke (i never did), i don't do drugs (i never did that too), i don't drink coffee (i tried it but it is yuck!), i do drink and there days i love to get drunk to get away from this world and forget about the pain that this sick world caused to me!
I am done and all i want is to end all of this stupid pain...
I will end this pain because i am just tired of this world that is full of sick people that deserve to die so they make people like me to kill themselves...
I hope that at least some know how do i feel because i never had anyone and i never will...
My life came to the end, people say that i am lazy and i won't lie i am but i would rather die then to live alone my whole life and to work!
I hate to work and i won't be anyone's slave!
I am so hurt and i almost everyday cry, sometimes i hug a pillow and imagine that is my true friend and i just start crying...
Trust me people i am sure you don't want to talk to me, think about all i said and then if you are sure we can talk reach for me...
If someone want to talk to me my email address is [email protected] and yeah i don't really use hangouts anymore it sucks but sadly it can't be deleted just don't message me on there i mean no one ever really did but still that's all "social" media that i have...
By the way you can't really find me on skype so don't even try i don't use it anyway that is why i removed that one too...
I hate social media, being social and stuff like those that is just YUCK!
Message me or email me ONLY if you need my help but if you are not fake or if you are really ready to change , i will give my best, i will help you as much as i can and then you will just leave, you will forget about me and it will be over forever...
Let me just warn you that if there is no reply from me it means i am dead so i am so sorry...
Bye and thanks...