Notes

I'm catching feelings for a boy. I can't avoid looking at him whenever he is not facing my direction.

I caught him looking at me, he quickly turned away. Does he like me? No, he doesn't even want to sit next to me or look at me when we talk, which is rare.

I hate the feeling of my heart being squished when i think of him. I hate it so much. I wish i never felt love for him. Or anyone. The thing is, I don't love him. I am too young to know how to love.

I want him to like me, be near me, but I can't love him. At least not yet. Maybe he isn't the one, in a couple of years I'll be an adult. I'll meet new people, i'll meet the one. But what if i already did? What if it's the boy I've caught feelings for.

I've caught feeling for him twice. I met him in school, and over the summer i tried to forget about him. The next school year, we're in the same class. And I, I fall for him again. Not completely though.

I'm not sure if he thinks I like him. I do get nervous around him but i do know how to hide it. Well at least I think I do.

I'm tan and he's white, he'll never like me. I've seen so many pretty girls with light skin that he'll probably fall right to their feet.

And I'll feel okay. God knows who are meant for each other. Maybe there is a boy who I will fall completely for. I'll still be me, but i'll be me and filled with love. Actual love.

Maybe the boy that i caught feelings for, is going to find the perfect girl, and I will be with the perfect boy. Of course, we only see perfect in ones eyes.

But for now, i'll still have feeling for the boy, just enough to tell my friend " I think that boy is cute". I won't say I like him, because i've said that before to other boys, so that doesn't make him important.

But to me he is. I wish it could be more than just to like him. But I'm too young to know how to love.