Notes

I know at one time you loved me...when your eyes sparkled as you looked at me...it gave me a feeling
like no other..I do believe you was in LOVE with me at those moments. I cherish those..I still do. I know i should have worked on me more but I was to busy working on you to make sure you was satisfied. It
was like I had no time for me...and now Im just lost. I worked so hard on me after I went to 4-county and I changed for the better. Despite how hurt I was when you said that you would go with me to my appointment and blew me off to go have lunch at KFC and not alone ..but I was . I hold all this pain still today . You made me feel worth again after so many years of feeling unwanted and not needed . This is what I was afraid of ...an end although you couldn't see how serious I was when I said that I couldn't handle going through it again alone . I loved you more than I've ever loved anybody before . This hit is hard . Everything hit me at once . I fought so hard to keep our home and all my stuff and I had nobody so the help I had to settle for robbed me blind..as I fought trying to hold onto nothing . Please tell me what is left to fight for ? I have nobody I have nothing . Lori bought me shoes because they are gone to .Ya eventually I might have a place but it will never be the same . Not just being alone but being so empty and lifeless isn't even a different world it's like a fish out of water fighting for the waters it will never have . it's a struggle to stay alive for no purpose .That damn piece of candy. I guess it doesn't matter what went wrong ...nothing matters anymore . I always said it's all timing ...I don't look forward to time . It passes and Im still just stuck here in it's capsule waiting for the last bit of sand of my soul to drop and maybe then I can find peace.