Notes

It's not fair. Danielle always plays with Dad. It's like they have a very strong bond, they are doing everything together. She can even get him to laugh and that is sometimes impossible. I am feeling this way because they are playing together right now (ping pong). I just heard Mum say that I will bite her head off if she asks me to put tape on her shoulder. This means to me that she thinks I'm angry, I am but because I made a mistake because I am stupid. I hate when I get like this, I don't even know why I get like this especially because I just recently went to Greg's and got supposedly cleared of all my negative energy. It felt like it worked, but maybe my brain/mind isn't adjusting to it yet. I feel so disappointed in myself, I feel like crying but I can't be bothered. Danielle and I are going to a race at 3:00, at pakuranga. I don't want to race but here is what I asked myself... Why do you not want to go? Because I can't be bothered. Why can't you be bothered? Because there are other things I would rather do. I thought you liked running? I do. Then why don't you want to go? I DON'T KNOW. That is what I ask myself every time. Because that is what happens before every race. I think I am just nervous of not doing well, that is why I do not want to race. This time Danielle and my age group are running at the same time, I'm not sure if it's the same course but I do not want her to beat me, that might be another reason why I do not want to race, but I'm not sure.