Notes

It all started when I walked into my English class. My best friend, Ulti, sat two seats to the left. "Hey dude, have you seen the new Star Wars movie? Han Solo dies." Ulti said. I hadn't seen the movie yet, so I said, "Screw you dude, I haven't seen it." The rest of the class period was a bore. I struggled to stay awake. I was staring at the clock for a while when I noticed Ian, John, and Shane looking at me like I was fresh meat. I knew very little about them, but I knew they liked to beat up smaller people. And that includes me. Ian was a beefy Scottish with an accent. John and Shane were slightly smaller, but still much bigger than the average person. I knew I had to try my best to avoid them, because if I didn't I knew what was going to happen. Finally, the bell rang and I could leave.

1) first sentence is pretty hooking. maybe u can do something like this with ur 1st para

2) "" My best friend, Ulti, sat two seats to the left. "Hey dude, have you seen the new Star Wars movie? Han Solo dies." Ulti said. I hadn't seen the movie yet, so I said, "Screw you dude, I haven't seen it." The rest of the class period was a bore. "" 1st of all spoilers but who cares because sw is boring ((:

also the; " I hadn't seen the movie yet, so I said, "Screw you dude, I haven't seen it. " is very repetitive and hurts my brain to read b/c u repeat "i havent seen it"

3) when u are describing john shane and ian, is john and shane supposed to be scottish too, because to anyone reading it, most would prob assume that. u say " John and Shane were slightly smaller, but still much bigger than the average person. " but don't mention anything about them being scottish or american or soemthing so the fact that u say ian is scottish makes my brain assume that the other 2 are scottish also. but i mean if in this story they are, then k.

4) rest is k