Notes

It's difficult to wrap your mind around how one soft-hearted, doe-eyed, smiley, yet muscular boy can turn into a cold, dead-looking, dreading, hateful, vengeful, even more, muscular guy. For Royce Allen, numbing himself down and excessively working out makes him feel okay. Last time he was kind enough to care for someone, his life got fucked over. If he knew something better was yet to come, he'd snicker and kick something in anger. Little did he know, it turned out to be true. Royce's transformation began shortly after the breakup:

It was tough for Royce to enter school again after the tough breakup took place the evening before. The main reason was his now ex-boyfriend, along with everybody who knew about it. It wasn't as if Royce was touchy and clingy enough. Today, he felt like a deflated balloon whose energy had been shattered. He was silent as he made his way to school, his gaze glued to the grey pavement below his feet. The cold radiated off of his tall frame as his presence was made known at his school. Not once did Royce look up to take in his fellow school-mates. It was embarrassing. Quite frankly, it was beyond shameful to face those who knew how badly things between him and Hayes had ended. It was all his fault, Royce believed. He supposed he was too clingy, touchy, and all lovey. He fucked up, and Hayes didn't blink twice the evening he broke up.

Royce inhaled sharply as he took in the memory of last night.

''Would you want to see me with another guy?'' Royce asked lowly, pain flashing through his face, contradicting the hope flashing in his green eyes. It was as if Royce expected Hayes to shake his head and realize that he loved the brunet. Sadly, Hayes just shrugged his shoulders and told him he wouldn't mind. Royce wasn't his anymore, so Hayes didn't care. Royce was struck by lightning, it felt like. Royce didn't understand. He had done so much for Hayes. When Hayes had been through his worst, suffering from at least five mental illnesses, Royce tore himself down to catch Hayes even if his limbs had to crack from catching him from his fall. Royce had suffered from guilt, worry, paranoia, and fear for Hayes. Royce didn't want to use his support against Hayes, but he couldn't help but wonder how his love for him was put down. Hayes had gotten so much better mentally, he told Royce he made his life better and easier. Yet, here they were. Hayes dumping him for reasons that still remained to be uncovered.

The memory haunted Royce. Unanswered questions were left under the carpet. The effort he made was done for nothing. He ruined himself for nothing. His commitment, love, affection, adoration, support, commitment, first kiss was given for nothing. Royce was the sensitive type of guy. He wanted to shower someone with romance, dates, love, support, laughter, hugs, and whatnot. He wanted his first kiss to be with someone very special. He thought Hayes was the one. He wouldn't think he was wrong, well.. he was. He couldn't help but hate himself for being too emotional. For being too sweet, too giving, too kind. He almost loved Hayes more than he loved himself. He distanced himself from friends for his sake. He dedicated everything to him. For what? This?

The minute he realized he passed by his locker, he walked back to the correct locker and sighed to himself. As his gaze was forced to go higher, he took in a few sympathetic looks he got from people. Royce was a gentle soul, so his chest swelled with heartbreak and he wasn't able to control the urge to cry from people being understanding towards him. He also wanted to cry because of the breakup. It was so difficult to deal with the absence of the first boyfriend he'd ever had. He missed the routine, he supposed. The boyfriend acts, the butterflies, the thrill, and the pure love.

Royce couldn't recall himself ever going to a classroom or eating much during lunch. A small part of him knew he was fucked at the end of the year. It wasn't easy for him to care, at that moment at least. He only remembered his aggressive workout routines. Four hours every day, a few resting days only if his muscles physically hurt. He was full of anger and wanted to get back at Hayes by working out, being productive, while he could fail his classes with bad grades and probably smoke too much. It gave him a certain relief to know that Hayes was doing it much worse than him. If it was unethical to think that way, Royce couldn't do anything that could better his mental state.

After his two hour workout at school, with one hour left with some stupid activities arranged by the school, he decided to take a shower and leave. The now grey-looking building leaving behind nothing but sorcery and wicked teens who pitied him. He was finished with looking like a lost puppy. He was done with the attitude of a gold-hearted man. He was ready for his golden heart to rust into an unrecognizable rusty metal that was long ruined. He was determined to exercise every day for four hours, and it all began now. Today, he was determined to become a new guy. If he was called being dramatic for changing this way, so be it. Royce wasn't so affected by Hayes. Royce was affected by the way he was used as a gas station. He wanted people to watch the gas station burn down. There was no good, soft-hearted Royce.

And when he left, a new face had entered. A face of disgust, hatred, vengeance, irritation, and everything in between. He felt as if there was a fiery anger in his eyes. He felt as if the veins in his arms were enlarged by the heat of his anger. Royce stared a hole ahead of him as if Hayes were there. He absentmindedly gave a short black-haired guy the death stare. Royce was almost scared of the anger he never knew he was capable of having. The black-haired guy ran away in the opposite direction though. Royce didn't notice, he only forced himself to let his promise escape his lips.

''I'm never going take care, love, or like a person ever again.''