Notes

hey, i honestly never thought this would be something i would be sad over. by that i mean i thought i would never have to worry about being sad over this and never thought this would happen. reading this you may think "what are you talking about payton" but what i am talking about it losing a friend. if this hapens to you/has ever happened to you i am truly sorry. so let me talk about this friend.
dear jaeda simone saucedo,
you have made a huge impact on my life and have taken me to do things i never thought i would do, without you i would be sad... but i am without you now. im just gonna say it.. the three words that makes up this whole message... i miss you. losing a best friend is hard because best friends are the people who make you happy again when youre sad. you may think "no biggy, everyone loses friends" but it is a 'biggy,' since they are the people who make you happy after youve been depressed and sad you get depressed and sad again since they are no longer there to help you stop being sad. jaeda..i miss when you were happy we had SOO much fun... then we drifted and ypu became depressed about 4 months after drifting apart and im sorry i cant help you and natalies a better friend then i will ever be.she knows how to handle you being sad... maybe thats why you replaced me with her, and i say i miss you and its true SO SO SO true but the sad thing is you probably dont miss me hardly like imiss you. honestly its hard to be friends because you rarely talk when i try to talk to you privately and that because of how sad you are so i am dearly so sorry how i dont help you out.... i hope natalie gets to go on those fun trips with you and gets to do all the stuff we did before since you replaced me, right? i thought i was never gonna replace you and i didnt and when natalie came in the picture i still tried to put effort into our frienship but then i started to stop becuase i was the ONLY person in this frienship to put effort in so here i am now starting to grow super close with evan because i have no other choice but to move on even though its hard, when i see natalie in science i cant help mysef but give her different looks from before you guys were so close. i tell myself im completely over you... but im really not.... i think about our old friendship eversingle day but somehow manage to try to make myself think im over how you replaced me. i hate you now because you crushed me. the only reason that i didnt kill myself last year was because of you and i hate when my parents, friends. and fam;ly talk aout you because it makes me tear up eachtime... so i really dont hate you i just kinda do. you were the only one who helped mr after family deaths and that stuff.. i just want you back. i hate natalie i know she didnt do anything and didnt mean anything but i hate her for being a better friend than i am i hate that shes more perfect than me and i hate that shes the friend you brag about. i. am. jealous. of. her. but the sad thing is is that i think i may be over our frienship soon, now its evan that helps me, and no i didnt replace you like you did to me, i have always been friends with evan but now hes my bestfriend. goodbye and i hope you have fun being friends with natalie aka your new bestfriend. bye.